This sidesplitting list will surly make your day.
1. Peeing At Every Stop
Why do those little blue signs on the interstate that say “REST AREA AHEAD” make women have to pee every single time they see one? You haven’t even drank anything this whole trip, you went in the hotel, can’t we skip ONE of these fuckers on our 2000 mile trip? All you do is complain about the lines and sanitation in them anyway, gee I’ve got a great idea DON’T GO to them every hour. When we are home I see you using the toilet twice a day tops. If we lived on the road, you may have to go approximately 40 times day. Then you complain that the trip took 5 hours longer than it should have, and it must be my stopping for a half hour to see something more interesting than a sodium lamp lit shithouse that caused it. WTF is that?
2. Saving Yourself
Even a woman, do not understand girls who are virgins or are saving themselves for someone special, but will go down on anyone. I still think you’re a slut if you do that.
For some strange reason, I feel like guys for the most part are easier to understand than girls. They’re just a lot less complicated.
Why can’t men just…communicate? I don’t mean unnecessary mindless chatter, but when I ask you how your day was, I’d like a little more than “fine”. Also, men are not stupid, so why can’t you take a hint? I try to make really obvious hints about things in our relationship that need to change (like the communication issue!), but he doesn’t notice until I flat out tell him how I feel and what needs to be done, and then I end up sounding like a whiny nag. Halp, guys!
4. Lies, Lies, Lies…
Why girls want to be lied in the face? Why they have a thing for dumb men? Why they are pretending to have golden pussy? What’s the sick thing about controling men? I’m sorry for just shooting this out straight, I’m a realist.
5. Try A Little Tenderness
why men can insult a woman so thoroughly and then be surprised when she starts crying. for example, “you don’t understand hard work. you just live off of daddy’s money… what? why are you crying? geez, women are so sensitive.”
6. Gender Duties
As a girl, don’t understand most of what my own gender does. Guys I have no problem with.
Seriously girls, what’s with the shoe obsession? Why all the drama? Why do you feel the need to take multiple photos of yourselves from various angles every day and post them on Facebook? Do you not remember what you look like?
If you need me, I’ll be playing video games with my guy friends.
EDIT Okay, this post came off as sounding really bitchy and terrible. There were/are some things that I am dealing with regarding this, and it is something that I’m working on. Long story short, being bullied by an entire dorm will screw you up. I’m not trying to say I am better than anyone else, I’m trying to say I have a hard time relating to my own gender. I would love more true and sincere female friends, and I am working on changing my attitude.
How in the hell can a girl decide to not have sex, mid-sex? This happened to me yesterday. Bitch you got off, now you need to take one for the team and let me finish.
8. Promises Promises
Why do SOME girls equal “I promise I’ll remember to put the cap back on the toothpaste” with “I promise I won’t play tonsil tennis with other girls”. And no, I don’t buy the “It’s all about trust”-argument at all. We men will promise all sorts of ridiculous small things because we mean it when we say it, but later if we forget to put the seat down/do the dishes/buy tissues/put the cap back on DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH.
Seriously, women who make mountains out of every fucking mole hill they find and NEVER let go of anything are just impossible to live with.
9. The Need To Talk
I don’t understand why guys don’t feel the need to talk all that much. I can understand using actions to express feelings but often just saying “i feel x because y” really makes things easier.
10. A Need To Scream
I’d like to know why some guys feel the need to SCREAM and throw their voices into a simple sneeze. It scares the crap out of me when someone does this in a quiet room. Just sneeze. Don’t yell ACHOO! at the top of your lungs. I’ve only known one female who did this, and she was obese and had Aspergers.
11. Ugly Stores
Why are all the women’s purses sold in stores hideously ugly and impracticable. They always have tassel or they’re made of some kind of pleather covered in rail spikes. It took three stores of purse shopping to find my girlfriend the equivalent of a small but wide paper bag with handles and four pockets that was made out of cloth, is this some sort of new concept?
12. Having Gay Friends
I don’t understand how women think it’s perfectly acceptable to have gay friends, but if you’re a guy with lesbian friends they always say that you’re only friends with them to try to talk them into letting you be the meat in their sandwich.
13. Posting Feet On Social Media
Why do girls think that posting pictures of their feet to facebook is a good idea? No one wants to see a row of you and your friend’s feet at the beach.
14. Peeing Outside
This isn’t all men but it seems a lot of guys love to pee outside (like, piss on a tree or something) rather than pee in a toilet. I can’t fathom preferring to pee in the great outdoors as opposed to a bathroom (I know my lack of penis and thus my lack of ability to ensure I won’t piss all over myself without using a toilet comes into play) but what exactly IS IT about peeing outside that is so satisfying?
15. Expansive Weddings
Why are women okay spending 2-3 x their savings on 5 hours (a wedding) and give us crap for spending it on awesome electronics that last a lot longer, bestow more happiness and don’t require wearing a tux?
16. Viable Candidates
Attractive young single woman i presume? i have no idea why single guys would not like to have sex with you and be your platonic emasculated friend instead…
They see you as much as a viable candidate for a girlfriend or sex as they do as a friend (or more if you aren’t particularly interesting or fun). If they are attracted to you and you aren’t interested, it is easier in the long run to fuck off now and not be friends, as they wont get their feelings hurt by falling for you and they simply may not care about new friends and care about having sex.getting a girlfriend. also handy hints if they are trying to hit on you, flirting etc they are trying to hit on you. if they are too nice and attentive but have never hit on you and you dont think of them in that way, they are probably secretly in love with you. You basically want to find someone with no physical attraction to you or at least has his romantic sights elsewhere.
17. That Time Of The Month
I (male) have no conception of what period-caused cramps feel like. I just think it’s very odd that all these billions of humans are regularly having this physical sensation that I will never / could never experience.
18. All Or Nothing
Why when I meet guys it’s all or nothing. Either they have to sleep with me or ditch me. It’s so hard to make friends with a guy. Every time we hang out or go out to lunch it’s like, is he hitting on me or does he enjoy spending time with me and being my friend?
19. Cheating Is Cheating
Alright, this pisses me off so much. A girl likes me, flirts with me, asks for my number and when I ask her out for a date, she says she can’t because she has a boyfriend! What the… ?! This has happened three times in a row now, and I just don’t understand it. Why why why.
20. Shopping With Men
Well this isn’t the opposite gender, but something I still can’t fathom. I’m a girl and I do no understand why some girls insist on dragging their boyfriends/husbands to go shopping with them.
These poor guys are either stuck in a corner somewhere looking depressed as hell or about to fall asleep leaning on a clothes rack. WHY WHY WHY WOMEN WHY?!! Shop by yourselves FFS.
21. “It doesn’t mean a thing.”
I have a harder time understanding my own gender. Most guys are assholes, and seem to think women are so difficult to understand. I don’t see why. I get along with women just fine, and I hate the constant idea that one gender has to be superior. It’s bullshit. It’s the same as race or sexuality, it doesn’t mean a thing.