People Share Their Worst Blind Date Experiences And It’s Priceless

How would you handle a date with somebody you haven’t previously met? Is it a good idea to begin with? Do you believe it could be successful? 21 people share their experiences for personal insight, conclusions and tips. It’s funny, heartrending, and frighting at times, but you better check it out.

 

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1. Total Fail

Kind of a blind date fail…

I had just come back home from college and was having a night drinking at the local watering hole when I noticed the place had a new bartender. New attractive bartender. Short hair, nice tattoos that were clearly leading to interesting places and an Electric Six shirt. Fuck. Yes.

 

So I start making a bit of conversation, and much to my surprise, we seem to really hit it off. And not just bartender-is-everyones-best friend-until-they-leave hitting it off, but really cool conversation.

 

She starts hinting at if I’m seeing anyone, and I say no, and she immediately reaches into her pocket and starts writing something down.

 

“On top is the number at the apartment, and these are directions. We’re having a party on Wednesday night, and you should come.”

 

True enough, a phone number and directions.

What would you think?

 

Wednesday comes and I’m dressed up and ready to impress. I head over to her place, knock on the door and there she is, looking amazing. She smiles and hugs me, grabs me by the hand and drangs me through the party until she gets to this big dude.

 

“Jonas, this is my roommate Jeff. Jeff, this is Jonas.”

I do the whole pleasantry thing, but when I turn around, she’s gone. I mean, poof. Gone. Like Batman.

Not knowing anyone else, I just keep on talking to Jeff. Seems like a good guy.

Suddenly he stops me mid sentence and says,”You’re not gay, are you?”

“No?”

“You should really tell Liz that.”

 

She had apparently set up the entire part as an excuse to hook me up with her roommate. I had been on a blind date with a dude and didn’t even know.

JonasVaughn

 

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2. “The most awkward two hours of my life.”

I got set up with the daughter of one of my parents’ friends. I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I was on break from college, and she apparently went to school not far from me, so it wasn’t like a lost-cause summer romance type thing. They showed me pictures and said nice things about her.

 

I picked her up from her parent’s place (we were both home for the summer) and was a little surprised by how pretty she was; the pictures had been from when she was in high school, and didn’t do her justice. The date was dinner and a movie. Dinner went really well; we had a lot in common, she was very grounded and down-to-earth, cared about the environment. If I have a type, she was it.

 

So as we’re walking to the movie theater, I slipped my arm around her waist. She pushed me away and got all serious. “I’m really sorry, because you seem like a nice guy, but … I’m a lesbian. I just went out with you to make my parents happy.”

 

Sitting through The Chronicles of Narnia with her was the most awkward two hours of my life.

alexanderwales

 

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3. A Creepy Puppet

I was set up by a friend when I was 16. He took me to the movies (at the mall) and awkwardly tried to makeout. Then we sat in the food court and he asked my honest opinion of him, which I mumbled something typical like “you seem nice.” Without invitation he then delved into what he thought of me, which was attractive but could be really hot if I lost 5-10lbs. Then he left me for a bit, which was weird, and returned with a lovely gift . . . a creepy puppet.

RebeccaSays

 

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4. Only One?

I’ve only been on one blind date a few years ago. It was with the investment banker son of one of my mother’s friends. One of her attempts at finding me a respectable boy from a good family. So that night he calls to ask if I could pick him up instead since is car broke down. I thought, no problem, and asked where he lived. The guy was staying at a buddies place an hour from my house, ugh, but still no problem I thought.

 

So I get dress in my cutest little black dress and heels to channel the grace of Audrey Hepburn and, gosh darn it, I think I did well. I pick the guy up and he’s not all bad. A little on the short side but he has a cute face and seems fit.

 

So we get to the restaurant and order. He gets a few drinks into him and we have a conversation about jobs/stuff/blah blah but then it arrived at who we admired. His answer? Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, just, ya know, without the killing and stuff. He said he admired the character and aspired to live that kind of life (without the killing of course). DING DING DING…the alarm bells were going off in my head. So trying to change the subject I mention the frat that he was in (we both went to the same university) and that I knew some of the guys. He then proceeds to tell me that, yea all his friends were just vehicles for him to get ahead in life and that he didn’t really like any of them. OOoooook.

 

Then comes the check. He forgot his wallet. So I paid. Just awesome. By now I was just looking for this night to be done with, but no things had to get more fun. On the way back to the garage we pass by an alley and he leans in and whispers into my ear and says “You’re fucking hot and I want to fuck you behind that pile of garbage” and he LICKS MY EAR!

 

WAaaaaaaah blashhldflka Do Not Want! I tell him the night is over, gave him some money, and said that he could take the public transportation home. I then called my friends and went out to a bar to drink the experience away. Needless to say I was jumpy for a few days expecting an axe to come out from a corner at any moment.

msfumanchu

 

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5. Keep Typing!

I should really be working but I cannot resist typing up this story.

 

3-4 months ago I was talking to a girl on okcupid. Things were going pretty well and we decided to to get together. I was on a budget because I was saving to move out of the country, so I suggested as local thai place which had $0.25 cent beers with an entrée, figuring the food was pretty decent and the cheap beer wouldn’t hurt.

 

I offered to pick her up but she declined, which is completely respectable. The night of the date I’m running about 5 minutes late and feeling a bit rushed when I get a call from her. Even though I gave her an exact address in an easy to find place in town, she’s having trouble getting there. She ends up calling me back 6-7 times in the next 45 minutes as she tries to find her way there, no advice I could give was helping this girl. By this point I’ve already been there 30+ minutes and am about 3/4ths of the way through my first beer. Red flags about how incompetent this girl must be are going crazy, but I’m already on the ride.

 

The final time she calls me she says “hey is there parking lot?” to which I reply “no, it’s all street parking, but there were a lot of open spots when I parked” she then replies “I don’t know how to parallel park”. Mind you this is a city, parallel parking is a way of life. I’m pretty dumbfounded that she doesn’t posses this skill. This is already a nightmare in my mind, and as I sit there pondering how to solve it she asks if I would mind coming out to park her car. I agree and start walking outside, being a bit embarrassed at having to explain that I’ll be right back to the hostess.

 

I walk outside and a few minutes later she pulls up. First of all, this girl was not as advertised. I got myspace angled hard. I’m not someone who needs the perfect girl, but I’m telling you this was out of control. I climb into the drivers seat and the first thing I say his how weird it is. I tell her I haven’t driven anything but a manual in 3 years and her automatic feels very strange. I slowly accelerate and head down the block, about 3/4ths of the way down I see an open spot. I let off the gas and instinctively go to push in the clutch. Instead, I stomped the brake. Hard. This girl had quite a lot of mass, and wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. Any physics student knows what happened next. Her head flies forward and nails the dashboard. I start apologizing like crazy, and luckily she wasn’t hurt. We spent the next hour having a really awkward dinner and then parted ways. No, we didn’t call each other.

 

td;dr: Girl asks me to park her car, it’s an automatic and I drive a manual. I hit brake instead of clutch, slamming her head into the dashboard.

Kijamon

 

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6. Ok Cupid!

Another OKCupid chick:

We talked for a few times. The photos were small and blurry but I got the basic idea- at least enough to setup a date since she lived about 10 blocks away. She was about 24 at the time and I was 28.

 

We meet at a bar and while she isn’t fat, she is more plump than her profile lead on but all in all, not anywhere near as bad as some of the girls discussed here. I knew nothing was going to come of it but had nothing else to do that night so I figured I could have some drinks and hit the sack before midnight.

 

Almost as soon as we met, she suggests we start taking shots of whiskey. This girl could drink! Over the course of a couple of hours she probably had a half dozen shots of whiskey and several mixed drinks. During the process she liked to discuss how much she loved giving blowjobs and how slutty she was. I guess she had self esteem issues, I dunno.

 

I was plastered – like blind drunk – by the time we are ready to leave. I don’t remember going to my apartment but I remember we ended up on my couch with a movie on as I faded in and out of consciousness and she raided my liquor cabinet.

 

What happens next would have landed me in jail if the roles were reversed:

First, I wake up to her on my lap. She is sitting facing away from me, grinding her (still in dress & panties) crotch against my jeans and stumbling about during the process…. then things go black again….

 

I wake up again and this time it is to a blowjob. I might have been drunk but I remember a good blowjob and this chick was giving a great deep-throat, gagging blowjob like only a drunk girl and/or pornstar can…. then things go black again…

 

I wake up again and now she has my pants around my knees, she had removed her panties and squatting over me fucking me with no condom. I remember being totally freaked out by that, but not as freaked out as when she removed her bra and a dusting of dead skin fell out of the cups and onto my black shirt. I literally threw her off of me as I stood up and ran to the bathroom with my pants around my ankles, puking my guts out into the toilet.

 

When I got back from the bathroom I was slightly sobered up and she was sitting on the couch masturbating. She asked if we could finish fucking and I said no but she could finish me with a blowjob if she wanted to. I honestly don’t remember if I came or not because I passed out again.

 

When I woke up the next morning she was gone and I never replied to another one of her txt or OKCupid messages again.

stopdaspam

 

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7. Everybody Wins

I was set up with a friend of my roommate’s girlfriend. Let’s call the date “Lisa” and lets call the roomy’s gf “Karen”. I knew what she looked like so I knew there was an attraction but I had never spoken with her.

 

We met outside of the restaurant and Lisa was on her cell phone. I figured it must of been important but as we walked in and waited for the table she kept talking about stupid crap- clearly on the phone with a BFF about nonsense. She gets off the phone, doesn’t apologize and we get seated.

 

About 2 minutes later her phone rings again and it is the same “OMG, No Way!” crap conversations. The waitress comes over and we order drinks…while she is still on the phone and I twiddle my thumbs. The drinks come, Lisa is still on the phone…. I’m 1/2 done my drink and have waved the waitress off once already because Lisa is still on the phone.

 

Finally about 20 minutes into it I quietly stand up, take $20 out of my wallet and walk out without saying a word. As I’m walking out I see Lisa’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, her mouth open wide and her face turning red in embarrassment (all of the surrounding tables had seen what transpired and were whispering to themselves about it)

 

By the time I got home, my date Lisa was on the phone with Karen who was over at our house at the time. It didn’t occur to me until now that my date was probably on the phone with Karen the whole time!

 

Karen was pissed. As soon as I walked through the door she started attacking me with “You are such an asshole, why would you just leave her there and not say anything!?!?”

 

I looked her dead in the eyes and calmly replied “I didn’t want to interrupt such an important phone call” and then walked into my room and went to bed. As I was leaving the living room I noticed the same expression on her face that Lisa had when I left the restaurant.

 

SIDE NOTE: fast-forward about 6 months and Lisa and I wound up being fuck buddies for a while, so everyone won in the end.

stopdaspam

 

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8. Beating The Odds

So I was going to school in New Jersey. The school that I was attending had about a 15:1 guy to girl ratio, so you can imagine how much fun THOSE parties were. So getting pretty desperate for female attention, i turned my sights to a couple of online dating sites. After a few weeks, I set my sites on one girl that I had talked to a few times through the site. We decide to get together after quite a bit of flirting.

 

I should mention at this point that I was aware from the beginning that she had 3(!) kids. I took caution to this, but figured since I wasn’t long for New Jeresy, as to just take this as a sign that she was sexsually active. I should also mention that the town I was living in in New Jersey was a hell hole that didn’t house a single attractive, or even moderately attractive woman within a 30 mile radius.

 

So I drive about 30 minutes to this bar in her home town the next Friday to meet her. I run into her almost immediately. I asses the situation. She’s got a cute face, and a nice rack. She has a few extra pounds on her, but not to any point where I would call her fat. We have quite a few drinks while chillin’, playing suffleboard, talking to her ex-lesbian lover (another story maybe). We decide to leave the bar a few hours later. She suggest going back to the apartment, which I assume is hers (more to come on that). Before we do though, she grabs a 12 pack of Michalob Ultra (blah) from the bars cooler and tells me to walk, like this a normal thing in this hell hole that is Bloomington, New Jersey.

 

We get to THE apartment and start drinking the beer. Conversation dies down pretty quick, so I just throw it out there, being that I am drunk, “Wanna have sex?” Not the classiest moment of my life, but it worked so I’m not embarrassed about it. She takes me by the hand and go to the bedroom. She take off her, pants, I take off mine, and we start going at it. A few minutes in, we hear the front door open. Immediately, she tells me to stop and pretend I’m sleeping. I’m all “What the fuck?” The door to the room opens, and the light turns on. All I can hear is “OH WHAT THE FUCK!” I peak over my shoulder and see a girl and a very large guy standing in the door way looking shocked. The guy is freaking out, and the girl is trying to calm him down, telling him it’s ok. I’m dead. I know it. This is how my life is going to end. The only thing that saves me is when he takes the girl and throws her to the ground. This pisses her off more than I have ever seen another person pissed, and he immediately starts apologizing to her as they leave the room. I jump out of bed, throw my pants back on and sprint out the door.

 

I later find out that it was her sisters place/room, and she was living with her boyfriend. A boyfriend who very well could play linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys. Scariest moment of my life, and worst blind date experience.

Alphie85

 

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9. Not For The Faint-Hearted

TLDR: Blind date turned out to be a surprise couch masturbator.

 

I met a couple through a mutual friend and we hang out for a bit one night, have a decent time. I spend a couple days afterward texting back and forth with the wife of the couple, thinking hey, new friend. She eventually starts talking up this friend of hers, Gary, and it is clear she wants to set us up on a date. Okay, I think, I’m newly single again after 5 years of bad relationship, we’ll see how this goes. She describes him as “football player build” – not being a sports person, does not occur to me I should have asked her to clarify (would he be a quarterback or lineman, for instance).

 

Anyhow, I meet Gary for coffee downtown. Suffice it to say he is a substantial man. But I think hey, I’m not perfect either, I’ll give him a shot. We have an okay time over coffee, talking about regular random small talk topics. He walks me back to my place, but the night is still young and he suggests hanging out and watching some Futurama. So I invite him up. As soon as we are sitting down, he starts talking about his ex and all the drama she brought into his life, and it slowly comes to light that they may not be actually broken up, he is just “seeing what else is out there.” Hrm. At this point I’m more than over the date and am ready for him to get out of my apartment – so I go to the restroom and plan on feigning illness upon my return.

 

Turns out he gave me an even better excuse to give him the heave-ho: I return from the bathroom only to find him on my couch, masturbating furiously. I freak out, ask him what he is doing, and he says “What does it look like?” and makes a motion for me to come join him. I was kind of at a loss at this point and I think all I did was say something about how he needs to leave – he removes his hand from inside his pants (did I mention he was wearing sweat pants? ick), shrugs, and exits. I never heard from him OR the woman who introduced me to him again.

frugalfran

 

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10. “Worst blind date ever.”

I went on a blind date two years ago with a guy one of my good friends set me up with. He just started university at USC and was majoring in Political Science. I thought he sounded pretty smart from what my friend told me and agreed. We met at Laguna Beach and had dinner at The Greeter’s Restaurant, which is this cute little place that doesn’t have the best decor, but has good food with large portions.

 

It was fine at first because he was cute and we had some things in common like music and traveling. It wasn’t until he started mentioning that he was a die-hard Republican and did not support gay marriage and abortions and IVF babies. I’m an IVF baby, and it’s a sore subject because my mom tried so hard to have a baby with my dad and it wasn’t until she tried IVF that she had me. Stupidly, I asked him what did he have against IVF babies. He immediately spews on and on that IVF babies are nothing more than objects of status to their parents, that it violates the rights of the child, depriving him of his true relationship with his parents and can hinder the maturing of his personality etc.

 

By this point, I was done with the date and just nodded along to whatever he said. After he paid the check, he drove me home and walked me to the front door. I unlocked it and then turned around to say good night when he leaned in with his tongue already out. I didn’t know what to do so I tilted my head so he would hit my cheek. Worst feeling ever of tongue licking your face. When I went inside, he looked at me shocked, and asked if I was going to invite him in. When I told him no, he got pissed and said that “I paid for your fucking dinner!” By then, I just wanted to drink a bottle of wine by myself, so I took 10$ out of my wallet, threw it in his face and closed the door.

 

Worst blind date ever.

notathrowaway

 

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11. Not A Happy Ending

Not my story, but a friend of mine used to have a weekly get-together at his apartment on Friday. One Friday there was this round/pump goth girl that my friend had met online. He had apparently been exchanging messages with her and had invited her to the party to get to know her better. However, whenever my friend turned his back, this girl would rub up against whatever guy was closet to her (most of the guys didn’t enjoy this – nor were they sure what to do).

 

Later in the night (after I had left) she ended up making out with two of the party goers. However, my friend would later say that he had gotten a BJ before the party began so the joke was on them. As an interesting side note, one of the guys she made out with that night later had his own blind date that ended in murder.

patorjk

 

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12. Without Even A Goodbye

About 9 years ago I was bored and unsure where to meet new people after ending a four year relationship… so I decided to give online dating a try. It seemed like a great idea.

 

Eventually I start emailing this awesome guy – his messages are laced with genuine wit and charm. He’s good looking. He’s smart, well educated and makes me laugh. Everything seems fantastic and eventually we meet at a coffee shop.

 

He looks even better than his photo. Score. He has a great smile and is as tall as he said he was. Everything was super amazing great.

 

As we sit at the coffee shop we make small talk and I notice he is starting to sweat. Not a little nervous sweat, but I-just-ran-a-fucking-marathon-sweat. I ask him if he’s just worked out to make conversation and he spends the next hour detailing all of his mental health and medical problems including his glandular problems, explosive temper, anxiety and jealousy.

 

He looks around nervously and mentions that his ex has a restraining order against him and that he’s afraid she just walked by the coffee shop. He asks me to meet him a few blocks away so he doesn’t get arrested.

 

I just gathered up my bag, walked straight to my car and drove away without even a goodbye. Thanks match.com!

yiddish_policeman

 

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13. Only Two?

I’ve been on two blind dates. One ended with me getting hot tea poured deliberately into my lap, and the other one was a fucking disaster.

 

Several years ago, I went through a period of pretty low self esteem. I had just gotten out of the military and had a five year long relationship end on bad terms. I was adrift in life, and women could smell it on me. It was like I had a phantasmal neon sign above my head that read “Mid twenties male. Brash, annoying, desperate, clingy.” There was no love out there for your faithful scribe.

 

I did what every idiot does at that point, which was to convince myself that if I could just get the right girl, everything would look up. The ladies were not so enthusiastic about my cart before the horseness. I turned to eHarmony to remedy this unfortunate situation.

 

After the month long vetting process, I finally arranged a date. The girl was a Mary Kay salesperson (make up ladies are hot, right?) and seemed to be about where I was in life. I drove over to her apartment to take her to dinner, visions of meeting my future wife playing in my head. I just knew that this would be The One – we were going to become a team and pull each other out of our collective funks, building each other’s self esteem. Together, we were going to conquer the world.

 

I pulled up outside her building (she didn’t give me her actual apartment number for PERSEC reasons) in the rain and called her. After she said she was coming out, I began watching for her. I am a gentleman and always open the door for a lady, but I wanted to stay in my warm dry truck as long as possible. After several false alarms, I heard a knock on my passenger side door. My finely tuned jungle sense had somehow missed the future love of my life walking across the parking lot.

 

I sprung into action, much chagrined. Had I messed up her first impression already? I hopped out, and went around to the passenger side door. The creature I beheld was nothing like the one that had danced in my mind on the trip over. There were no long, lean thighs. There was no feminine jawline, no perfect (but tastefully concealed) busom pushing through a sheer (but tasteful, you see?) blouse. Absent were soulful (but glinting with subtle mischief!) eyes.

 

I was looking at a human tub of shit. This poor girl had let herself go to the point of repulsiveness. She had two and a half chins, a pannus that hung to her knock-knees, and tiny, beady eyes that were permanently squinting due to the oppressive weight of facial fat. Dear Reader, I believe I actually took several steps back.

 

“Hi, Savage Henry! I’m so excited to meet you. Where are we going to eat?”

 

My mind raced. I had reservations at a five star restaurant. I was prepared to invest three or four hundred dollars on dinner with the vision in my head. There is no sense skimping on the woman who was to be my salvation, I had reasoned. But this? Hell no.

 

“I figured we could head over to The Macaroni Grill. They have pretty good food, I guess.”

 

Quick thinking, right? Smooth, too. Not smooth or quick enough to back out of this date, though. I was bullied into opening the truck door by social convention, and my inability to be a total asshole to an obese girl.

 

Have you ever seen films of the paratroopers getting on planes prior to jumping into Normandy? Burdened by a hundred pounds of gear and parachute, those brave men struggled up the ladders into DC-3s, teetering on the threshold until they got a helpful shove from the man behind them. Watching this woman get into my truck was quite similar. She huffed and puffed, quivered and jiggled, and finally slopped herself into the passenger’s seat. My huge Dodge truck with a 3/4 ton suspension groaned. When I got back on my side, I swear my truck had a ten degree list to starboard.

 

Walking in to the restaurant with her, I was as embarrassed as I have been since a very unfortunate incident in fourth grade. The men cast pitying looks at me, and the women were not much better. The servers looked at her greedily, knowing there was economic opportunity in a woman who obviously ate so much.

 

Dinner conversation was uncomfortable, until I struck upon an idea. I asked about her past relationships. If I wasn’t going to get to know the future Mrs. Savage Henry, I could at least do anthropological research into the kind of man who sought a woman such as this. She was emboldened by my seeming interest in her.

 

“Oh, I don’t date a lot. I was seeing this guy for awhile, but he cheated on me and gave me an STD.”

“Oh..An STD?…So…uh…what did you get?” Like she had won a raffle or grab bag or something.

“I have genital warts. Don’t worry, though – I get them frozen off and you won’t catch anything. We can still have sex.”

“….”

“I hope we do have sex later. I’m having a really good time with you. I promise it will be great.” The last part was said with what I assume was a conspiratorial wink, but it looked like some adipose triggered facial tic.

“Okay.” I said.

 

That was the final blow for me. At that point in my life, I might have sunk so low as to use this poor creature for sex, but the thought of warts on my unit put the kibosh on that. We sped through dinner, her surely thinking I was excited by the promise of wading through folds of Limburger scented chub in search of her diseased lady parts, and me wishing for an ejection seat instead of a booth.

 

When we pulled up in front of her apartment building after dinner, I made the usual excuses about being tired and having to work early in the morning.

“You’ll call me, right?”

I envisioned her very own phantasmal neon sign spinning over her head. It read “Female, mid-twenties. Fat, boring, desperate, and a PERMANENT FUCKING STD.”

I went home, deleted her number, and drank half a bottle of Jack.

SavageHenry0311

 

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14. “Took out the wrong sister, and she stole my car.”

Ok, only because I’m getting harassed so much I’ll say something. So this goes back nearly 10 years ago, I’m at this house party getting really drunk and a friend of a friend gets on the topic of video games and gamer chicks. I tell them that a gamer chick is only a myth, and most women play puzzle games like tetris or super puzzle fighter but I’ve never seen a hardcore gamer chick that plays serious titles, like Quake. (Yeah that’s not making this discussion feel old!)

 

So this guy brings up this girl he knows through work (EB games) named Andrea. He claims that this girl can woop my ass on any title. He makes a few calls on his landline and gets hold of her and we set up a LAN party tomorrow (sat) with a few people. I swing by her place dragging my apple desktop machine with starcraft, MOH, quake, and a few other titles. Not really thinking these games are compatible with their PC counterparts.

 

I have a nasty habit of arriving too early to events. I was about to knock on the door, when this girl opens the door quickly as if she was in a rush to get out of the house. Our eyes connect, I introduce myself, “oh hey I’m bebop717 you must be Andrea.” We start to talk for a bit as we walk back to my car to get my computer. She sounds a bit excitable, and walks quick to the car. As I walk to the back of the car to get my gear she gets into the passenger seat. I’m a bit confused why she is getting into the car, and I say simply “What’s up?”, she buckles her seatbelt as she looks at me and says “I’m fucking starving, let’s get outta this place”. I said “what about everyone else, they should be here soon”. She explained it was nothing to worry about the door was unlocked and her sister was there.

 

I nod and ask what she wanted to eat, she points me to a chinese place a few blocks away. It was a nice sit-down restaurant and I was a bit confused if this was supposed to be a blind date or just a chance to hang out. But she is pretty cute and I like chinese so I’m not going to say anything. I toss my jacket on the back of the chair and we put our order in. Something does not seem right about her, she seems really jumpy, perhaps she is nervous cause this thing turned into a date, or so I think. Right after we put our order for appetizers in my phone rings. I look at the number and it’s the guy I was talking to yesterday at the party.

 

I excuse myself from the table and say I have to hit the bathroom to wash my hands. I return his call, he asked me where I was. I explained that I was out to dinner with Andrea at the chinese place a few blocks away, and we should be back in a bit. He says “take your time, we are coming over now.” I’m a bit disappointed, I’ve been out of the dating game for a while and I tell him “do you mind if we have dinner together, she seems pretty nice, it’s kinda turned into a date thing and…” my friend cut me off and says “don’t’ fucking leave the restaurant we’ll be over in two minutes” and hung up on me. I’m going back and forth between pissed and confused as I walk back to the table I see the fried springs rolls have arrived.

 

But Andrea is gone, and so is her purse, and my jacket which held my wallet. I’m asking the waiters where she is and I walk outside where it’s about 10°F to see my car has been stolen. I frantically calling 911 on the 2nd ring 3 squad cars pull up into the parking lot with lights and sirens. They pull in and see me shivering they ask if I’m bebop717. I’m still lost how they would know my name, they ask where Andrea is, I tell them I don’t know I think she just stole my parents minivan loaded with my computer gear. As I’m telling them the make and model my friend pulls up with this chick. He introduces me, Bebop717 this is Andrea. Andrea informs me that I have already met her twin sister Adriana.

 

Both her and the cops fill me in. Andrea played a prank on Adriana by swapping their mothers recently used (positive) pregnancy test with Adrianas (negative) test to get even for the previous week where she gave her x-boyfriend a blowjob.

 

So Adriana torched her sisters car (where the said blowjob took place) and decided to run away. Good timing my my behalf to get their early and help her get away.

 

So I head back to Adriana’s while the cops go looking for the car. And we hang out and play Super Puzzle Fighter and get my ass handed to me. After about two hours the cops call us to say the car has been found and Adriana is currently under arrest and want to know if I want to press charges. There is no damage to the car and she barley used any fuel also I did not want my folks to know about it. Adriana’s father was a judge and they were quite lenient on her. I kept my distance from that family after that.

 

TL;DR Took out the wrong sister, and she stole my car.

 

Oh yeah the curfew part, I came in several hours after my curfew and lost car privileges for a while.

nick1click

 

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15. Sometimes You Just Need A Break

I’m actually currently studying for something and SHOULD NOT be on reddit, but I needed a break, so this will be short.

 

A year and change ago, I had just gotten out of a bad relationship that I had broken off. I’m a driven person, and my work is what drives me. The relationship wasn’t great, so I wasn’t that torn up about having to end it. Several of my friends who don’t know me that well assumed that I was super depressed, because I wasn’t partying and going out as much as I normally do. In reality I just had a HUGE grant proposal to work on, which is a real pain in the ass and takes a lot of time.

 

The relationship I had been in wasn’t serious, and it was only for a month-ish “unofficially” so it really wasn’t a big deal. She’s a weird one, so I was in the middle of introducing her to my extended friend circle when things broke off.

 

My friends came up with this whole plan of meeting me somewhere, and then not showing up. They in fact had set me up with a blind date, and called me right when I was outside the sushi joint. After getting angry, I figured what the hell, why not go in and share a meal with a stranger, what could happen, right?

 

Imagine my surprise, when the girl I had just broken up with was sitting there waiting for me…..

jachreja

 

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16. “Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee and dessert.”

Sister’s husband wants me to go out with his best friend. Not so much blind, because we both had kinda known each other through him, but hadn’t ever talked exclusively among ourselves.

 

First, he insists on opening doors for me. Not like, the car door as I enter or a building door — that would have been OK. But everything. When we pulled up to the movie theater, I tried to exit the car. Instead he yelled “NO NO” and ran out of the car and to the passenger side, pushed the door closed and then opened it again.

 

He took me to see Exit Wounds. Again, he made a scene at the box office when I said I’d pay for my own ticket. I had told him before that I thought first dates should be dutch so that no one feels any undue pressure but he actually pushed me out of the way, so he could pay for our tickets. I was steamed.

 

After the movie, he asked if I wanted to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee and dessert. I told him I had to get home. On the way home, he told me that he’d be really happy if I came to church with him on Sunday so I could meet his family. Ick.

askheidi

 

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17. Going Downhill

I’ve only been on one real blind date. I met someone online we began chatting every few days, just kind of getting to know each other, or so I thought. She said she had just moved to the area, was staying with an old family friend but didn’t really know many people, so I suggested we go out to this little hookah bar that was about halfway between our respective places.

 

Eight p.m. rolls around and I pull up in front of her place, a townhouse in a nice neighborhood that happened to be a few blocks from where an old friend used to live. She was already waiting outside, which struck me as odd, but I figured maybe she felt like a smoke before leaving. She looked exactly like she did in her pictures – about 5′ 8″, maybe 120 lbs, long (dyed) blond hair, a few facial piercings. Not exactly my type, but not bad to look at either.

 

I get out, introduce myself and open the door for her and we’re off. Turns out we have similar taste in music, so the ride over to the bar was pleasant enough. I hadn’t been there in years, and was unaware they had hired a DJ to spin on Friday nights. You could barely hear a thing inside, so we chose to sit out on the tiny patio. We order drinks, she choose a sisha flavor and we continue chatting.

 

This, my friends, is where things begin to go downhill. She asked about my profession (reporter), so naturally I asked about hers, to which she replied “I’ve had the same job for about 3 years. Taking care of my kids.”

 

Children. This was an interesting development in that she had never mentioned being a mother in our previous conversations, nor did her figure seem to indicate that she was a mother of two, spaced just 2 years apart. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind kids, but at the same time I’m not looking to get involved in a relationship with someone who already has children. Just a little young for that.

 

Having broached that particular subject, she begins to tell me, at length, about the father. Abusive, never around, with drug problem she apparently shared. I’ve smoked weed before, and tried my fair share of psychedelics, but these were hard drugs she was talking about. Things continue to spiral south, and I quickly realize that this particular individual is likely suffering from some serious mental/relationship issues. We finish our drinks and head back to my car, when she drops the line that sends me running for the hills.

 

“I’m not gonna sleep with you tonight, but I’ll probably get drunk and fuck you sometime soon.”

 

I’m now officially ready to put an end to this travesty of a date, but having never had any experience with blind dates was not entirely sure how to go about wrapping things up. It’s still fairly early, maybe 10 p.m. or so, and she is making it clear she would like to continue the evening. I’m racking my brain trying to figure something out, when it hits me: The Twins.

 

The Twins were an interesting pair, either the cheeriest individuals you could ever hope to meet or at each others’ throats, depending on when you happened to run into them. They liked to party and had a small house across town that I tended to frequent. I hadn’t been to their place in a bit, so I gave them a ring and asked if I could bring someone over. Thankfully they were in an amicable mood and invited us both over.

 

Now I’d mentioned I hadn’t been to The Twins place in some time, so the fact that they had acquired a new roommate who was sleeping in the unfinished basement. We arrive, and one of The Twins suggests giving her the grand tour. Eventually we make our way to the basement, when lo and behold, another one of her apparently numerous ex’s is stretched out across a bare mattress on the floor.

 

This is the moment I knew I was saved: Before the guy even has a chance to get up, she dashes across the room, throws herself on the bed and starts hugging him, saying how much she missed him. My friend gives me a look of concern, being currently unaware that the chick is batshit crazy. I grin and whispered under my breath, “good, she’s his problem now.”

 

TL;DR – Went on a blind date with a crazy chick and was saved by her ex-boyfriend having moved in with my friends.

redzero519

 

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18. Shallowness

I met this girl online who was very attractive. 5’6, 120 lbs, tattoos, and looking a bit like Emma Stone. I was a stand-up comic and she was a waitress at a local comedy club, so I figured it would work out. We met for some coffee and hit it off okay. There was something about her that I couldn’t put my finger on that I wasn’t jiving with though.

 

On our second date; we went out for dinner, shot some pool, she stayed over, we had decent sex, and she left the next morning the same way one would leave after a one night stand. I found that kind of weird being that we seemed to be comfortable with each other. The third time we met at a concert so she could meet some of my friends. The whole time she was on her Blackberry and ignored me about 80% of the time. When I told her two of my friends (who were girls) were showing up, she asked, “Are they hot? Because I won’t hang out with you if they aren’t.” She wasn’t being factious either. When my friends showed up, she met them for about 5 minutes and left without saying bye. That was the last time I ever heard from her. Fucking shallow bitch.

 

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19. A Painful Ending

My grandfather had a cleaning lady who was always telling me she had twin daughters my age who would probably be fighting each other over which one got to date me. This sounded pretty appealing to my 13 year old self, so a couple weekends into the summer after 5th grade I took her up on her offer to spend the weekend at her house and hang out with them.

 

Well, the twins turned out to be ugly and not exactly thrilled about the prospect of hanging out with the grandson of the guy who hired their mom to clean his house.

 

They went every Friday night to a roller skating rink, and I was to go along with them and their friends. I didn’t know how to skate, but the mom assured me that her daughters would show me. We get dropped of at the rink, and the twins and their friends proceed to completely ignore me. About half an hour in to trying to learn how to skate, I take one particularly bad fall and hurt my wrist badly enough that I sit the next 3 hours out, alone, listening to the quality of music they played in the 90s at roller skate rinks (Who that is? /That’s just my baby daddy / Who that is? / That’s just my baby daddy / Who that is? / That’s just my baby daddy / Who that is? / T-Bird, that’s just my baby daddy)

 

Eventually their mom picks us up, we go back to the house, I’m given some asprin or something for my wrist, and I manage to fall asleep.

 

We were supposed to hang out that Saturday as well, but I decline because of the increasing agony in my wrist and the unspoken fact that her daughters hate me. I spend Saturday cradling my wrist and reading a book at their house, alone.

 

Sunday morning I get dropped off at my grandfather’s house, where I get yelled at for not doing my Sunday chores because my wrist hurts. After 2 weeks of being yelled at for making excuses about my wrist hurting to get out of chores, someone finally takes me to a hospital and discovers my wrist is broken, and I’m in a cast for the entire summer.

 

TL;DR ugly twins ignore me, I break my wrist, spend summer in cast.

stufff

 

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20. It Was Winter In Chicago

I went on a date with a guy I met on the internet. We decided to go get a coffee, take a walk around town, and if that all went well we agreed we’d go see a movie.

 

We met up and went to the coffee shop where he slowly began to turn bright red and start sweating profusely. He played it off and said “let’s go for that walk.” It was winter in Chicago, and somewhere around 15 or 20 degrees out, but I was game. Obviously the dude was nervous and I was hoping the walk would calm him down.

 

Throughout the walk he fluctuated between somewhat comfortable to being uncomfortable looking, but none of it was enough for me to take much notice. Nerves calm, right?

 

After our walk we agreed that we’d go to the movie, it would give him a chance to sit and relax, and we wouldn’t have to talk. We were standing in line and he looked at me and said, “I can’t do this… I can’t do this, I’m sorry,” and ran away. Literally hauled ass away from me.

 

Later I got an email from him saying I was prettier in person than he’d imagined, and so nice, that he just freaked the eff out and couldn’t deal. It didn’t make me feel any better at all.

monkeytoes77

 

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21. Two In One

I have two… A co-worker of mine at the time introduced me to his daughter; he knew I was a good guy and could be “trusted”. So we chat on the phone, it goes well. On our first date, 10 minutes prior to us meeting she calls me up and asks if it’s alright that a few of her friends come along, including one of their boyfriends… I didn’t have much choice in the matter and said “yeah, no problem”. I was pissed but figured, what the hell.

 

Fast forward to the date, terribly intimidating meeting a girl for the first time when she has two of her friends, although it turns out the boyfriend was an old friend of mine from high school. The date went alright. Long story short, she was incredibly smart (4.0 GPA) but wasn’t very attractive, was heavy-set, and had bragged about her laziness (which was by far the most off-putting thing about her). I hung out with her a few more times thereafter but wasn’t feeling it, but we did up having sex; although it was probably the worst sex of my life.

 

The other story: I met this girl on MySpace (I was working second shift on overtime and didn’t hav emuch of a social life) I chatted with the girl for a few days, she seemed attractive, cool, and we had some things in common; we arranged to meet at a local mall.

 

When I got to our meeting place I found myself looking at a trollish beach ball with legs. That is the best way I can describe her, incredibly short with an unattractive face. I didn’t want to be rude by screaming and running in the opposite direction so we walked around the mall and chatted; she insisted on holding hands (which I often find is more intimate than kissing), which annoyed me to no end. We ate and then went to a movie as we had originally planned. Her personality was that bad, but I just couldn’t get over how unattractive and annoying she was.

 

At the end of the evening, after all was said and done, I went to my truck which was unfortunately parked next to her car… Fast forward, she wasn’t leaving. I kept trying to slink away but couldn’t; I think she wanted a kiss. I kissed her and then thought that would please her (bad move) she started rubbing on my chest under my shirt (ACK)! This seriously went on for close to an hour, in a parking lot, at 2am. The mall security, AKA, my savior, came around and told us we had to leave. Now onto the sad sad sad part, I was in a LONG dry spell and ended up having sex with her the next day. Not my proudest moment, sex wasn’t bad, but I am pretty sure she was trying to get pregnant. She told me I didn’t need a condom, and insisted on not using one, I felt otherwise.

 

Next day I called her and ended it. I am a horrible person.

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